The Power of "Thank You."

June 30, 2012

81.6 pounds to go

"You could be a model if you lost weight."

"You're a pretty girl, but you need to lose some weight."

"You look younger when you're thin."

"You look great, you look like you've lost your bulk."

In my multiple journeys to "thindom" these are real things that people have said to me.  At the time when they were said, each statement threw me into a fit. What do you mean I could be a model?  Hello insult wrapped up in a compliment, you sneaky bitch.  The second one was Susan Powter (remember her from 20 years ago? The lady on the infomercial waving around meat slices?) who came to visit the Borders store I was managing decked out in spandex and fluorescent pink dreads.  I think I was so shocked by her appearance that I sputtered out "yes, you're right."

Here's the thing I've realized: when people say these things to me, even if it hurts me initially I have to remind myself that they are trying to pay me a compliment.  Typically when someone takes the time to comment on my weight loss, it means that they've noticed.  However the way they try to express themselves is a combination of trying to be nice + a bit of their own neurosis.  And sometimes people just say stupid shit without meaning to -- it's part of being human.

Here is an example of plain idiocy that fell out of someone's mouth recently.  Granted, it has nothing to do with weight loss but it will help demonstrate what I'm talking about.  I was at work and a new rep had been hired in a particularly grueling category.  It was his first week and came around to talk to our department and we went around introducing ourselves.  When he realized that I was the manager, he didn't do a very good job of hiding his surprise.  We small-talked about his position and I sympathized with the tough guys he had to deal with, having been in those shoes in the past.  Then I asked something along the lines of "what's your secret to handle them well?"  And he said:  "Well, they're good ol' boys, and I can be a good ol' boy along with the rest of them."  The one thing that clearly, I am unable to do.  Later, when I was talking with my boyfriend about it I said "I think he was uncomfortable, so he just reached up and pulled out of thin air, the worst possible response for the situation."

This guy is probably thinking about marshmallows.

Not your boobs.

Coming back to weight loss, I find that when someone pays me a compliment (or tries to) the best response is a simple "thank you."  I always feel when someone says something nice to me that I have to give an explanation.  Them: "You look like you've lost weight."  Me: "Thank you, I've been working out 3 times a week, and I ate cherries and a protein bar for breakfast.  I also find that snuggling with my cat and reading a book helps me to de-stress and keep my appetite under control.  And you know what?  I really love hamburgers.  Man, I would love one right now.  Did you know I haven't had a french fry in a month? Let's go get french fries.. that sounds good.  Let's go right now."  Them: "Uh, I have to go."  Here is the easier version: them: "You look like you've lost weight."  Me: "Thank you."  It avoids my need to explain and also allows them to give me a compliment and be nice to me, which is ultimately what we're both after.

I'm not saying that discussions are strictly verboten, but if you're just learning how to manage the feedback without being oversensitive to what people might say, this method is helpful.  It also helps stop the internal dialogue of what someone might possibly mean.  God knows I have been in situations where someone says to someone else "you look like you've lost weight." Response: "What, was a I a fat cow before?  Sob."  Just because someone says something kind, does not mean they felt the opposite just days before.  Relax, breathe, and let people say nice things, and let them simply be nice things to say.