Water water everywhere, and every drop I drink.

September 1, 2012

68.9 pounds to go

It's hard to make water funny

This subject normally earns a collective groan in any diet program.

Me: "Good morning class!"

Class: In drab chorus: "Good morning Miss Horvitz."

Me: "Today we're going to talk about water.  You know you have to drink it, you know everyone has told you to do it before, now let's talk about it again!"

Boy in front raises hand

Me: "Yes Billy?"

Boy: "Can I use the bathroom pass?"

Yes, water is boring.  It's tasteless.  It's got a reputation for making you pee.  Alas, let me seduce you with a provocative story about water with this happy ending: it is vital in vaporizing fat stores.   First we start with the kidneys.  Barring no extreme occurrence, you've got two.  Think of them as the air filters to your body, they weed out the crap and sends the junk to the dump.  When they get gummed up and dirty they don't work as well and pile their extra responsibilities on the liver.  So what, you ask?  One of the liver's main functions is to break down fat to turn it into energy -- the literal spot where the magic happens with weight loss.  

Let's back up.  By drinking enough water, the body's filter (kidneys) is clean, the liver is running at optimum speed and munching down on those fat cells for dinner.  Both send the waste to your bladder / colon to be expelled.  Think of it this way: when you drink enough water, every time you go to the bathroom you are peeing the fat off of your body.  (Mind. Blown.)

So how much water is enough?  Traditional gospel tells us 8 glasses a day.  But how big of a glass? 8 ounces? Twelve? A million?  I think people get intimidated or put off because they don't know what that looks like.  Here are the hard facts: an average person needs to drink 64 ounces of water a day.  That's eight glasses of eight ounces of water.  Put in perspective an eight ounce glass of water is tiny:

It's just a baby glass!

Put in another way, it's only five 12 ounce glasses or two 32 ounce 'water tankers.'  As a rule of thumb, for every additional 25 pounds of extra weight, drink one eight ounce glass of water.  

12 ounces

32 ounce water tankers.

(Penelope has been added for perspective.  She also wouldn't get off the table.)

So how does one fit all this water drinking into a busy schedule?  Typically I will have a 12 ounce glass of water when I wake up.  Then at work I always have a 12 ounce cup of water on my desk and I'll go through 2 or 3.  Then when I get home I'll  have a glass or two and when I go to bed I always fill up the water tanker to go on the nightstand.  I oftentimes will drink all of and have to stumble downstairs mid-sleep for a refill.  I am a perpetually thirsty person in need of a beverage and have a bad habit of leaving water glasses everywhere.  Luckily, Mike does this too so I never get yelled at.

The second biggest complaint I hear about water is that it doesn't taste good.  I don't really have any good advice for this except get over it.  Drinking it cold helps - a glass of tepid water is just not satisfying.  Be prepared to pee a lot in the first few days when adopting a healthy water intake.  And, sometimes in that first week I did feel like there was a small lake swishing around in my stomach.  Luckily, our bodies are quick-adapters so after the first week, the trips to the bathroom will decrease.

Lastly, just because you adopt water into your lifestyle does not mean that other beverages are verboten.  I still drink coffee every morning and have wine a couple of times a week.  Sometimes I just want a drink with bubbles so I have a diet soda.  Keep in mind that just because it is liquid does not mean it replaces water intake.  All of these other beverages I like will ultimately dehydrate me in the form of a diuretic or sodium.  At first it is a mind-bender that a certain liquid could make you more thirsty, but trust me, it's true.  Just try drinking two big diet sodas and no water - your body will be screaming for the H20 after a half hour or so.

That's about it.  Water is a boring, un-funny subject but absolutely necessary to keep the metaphorical car running at optimum speed.  Bottoms up!