Celebrity Obsession

December 9, 2012

53.9 pounds to go

Celebrity obsession is when I think I wake up in the morning and naturally look like this:

When in reality I look like this:

Or, if we're really being honest, when I sit down to write I mean business, pull my hair up and look like this:

The trends that celebrities wear change by the minute, but right now it's a short skirt, sparkly top, dangly accessories and hooker heels.  And good lighting.  And flattering photo angels.  I didn't have the requisite sparkly top, but I made do with a short black dress.  In that picture (which I took first this morning) I'm wearing more makeup than I would normally put on in a week, contacts, and spanks.  (Spanks are pantyhose that are so tight it makes breathing challenging.  It's the modern day girdle which also comes with a pee-hole so you don't have to struggle in the bathroom to pull them up and down.  In short, it's a torture device.)   Trying to look like a celebrity takes a lot of work.  

It seriously takes a village.

In reality, looks are part of a celebrity's job.  They have a stylist to pick out their clothes.  They have a makeup artist.  They have a personal hair professional.  About a year ago, I really wanted to become a redhead, and I lusted after Joan's hair in Mad Men.  Then I read an article in a magazine that they touched up her hair color every single week.  No wonder it looked perfect and I was so envious.  I certainly don't have the time to hit the salon every week for a touch up, or the money.  I have also read multiple times that celebrities are carefully prepared for any event, especially when it involves television.  There was a compelling story about Jennifer Lopez in a magazine by her makeup artist that said oftentimes she would have 2 or 3 wardrobe and make up changes a day.  First a TV interview, then an event then a dinner.  Each prep session required at least an hour or two and it sounded exhausting.  On top of the big three of hair, makeup and clothes there is the body.  They have personal trainers and chefs.  This means they have someone driving them to work out every day with an ideal regime.  And then the chef ready with their favorite, ideal body-shaping foods.

It doesn't mean that every single famous person out there has an entourage to enhance their beauty, but I would hazard a guess that the ones that are frequently scrutinized and photographed in magazines have at least a few of the perks that I listed in the earlier paragraph.  If I didn't have anything to do except work on being pretty my life would be very different than what it is now.  In short, to think I'm going to look celebrity-perfect, even at my ideal weight is unobtainable.  I don't have a village to help me.  Circling back to my reality pictures above, I don't wear heels on the weekends.  I wear ridiculous looking thick fuzzy socks around my house so I don't freeze.  I have cellulite.  Even when I was thinner in college (about 30 pounds less than I am now) I still had wobbly bits - a belly pooch and a layer of fat on my thighs.  And for some reason when I want to pick on myself I always scrutinize my legs.  Why do you look so lumpy legs??  You piss me off.  Thighs, I'm putting you on a disciplinary action plan.  And then despite all of my hard work there's still some flab at my ideal weight.  I know it will always be there, so I can't take too much time to worry about it.  This is what I've got, and if I really want to there are artistic ways to hide the stuff I don't like.  Such as longer skirts and posing.

Also, in my reality pictures I washed off all my makeup and pulled my hair back.  This is my ground zero with "pretty" and where I would spend a hell of a lot more time if I had a choice.  Right now, it's only after work and on the weekends, but it's the 'real' me.  I am not fond of wearing makeup even though I'm used to it.  Any member of my family will tell you that I fell like I am putting on 'war paint' every morning for work.  It's the mask we women are required to wear.  And the older I get, the more mask I want to put on.  Yes, I need this eye-bag remover!  Yes, I need mascara!  Yes, I want to 'glow' so I wear blush.  If I had a choice I would just put on my sunscreen and be done with it (the only real anti-aging magic cream out there).  A flip did happen a few years ago where I feel like I can't leave my house without putting on makeup.  It goes back to the argument of what I want to do versus what I feel like I have to do because society expects it of me.  It's still sticky and I can't quite explain it.

If you're wondering where you can witness celebrity obsession / mimicking in action go to Vegas.  You will see a museum full of short skirts and sequined tops.  When I went back in August, all of the girls were teetering around and I couldn't stop staring.  People-watching became a full time habit.  At one point I turned to Mike and said "are there even guys here?  I haven't noticed one, and I'm not even into girls."  On one night, we were at the Wynn at a club opening and it was a sparkly parade of celebrity wannabes.  At one point a girl walked by with sequined shorts that were so short that her ass cheeks quite literally poked out of the bottom.  I tugged on Mike's sweatshirt and said "sparkle butt!  I've found a sparkle butt!"  "Where? Where? Oooooh."  Then, when we went up to the Palms Ghost Bar, I had no idea what to wear.  Back when I was in college the uniform was tight pants, backless top and chunky heels.  So I put on a boob shirt, tight pants and chunky heels.  Man, did I feel old and out of place.  But the chocolate martinis were good.

Another place you can witness celebrity obsession is a college town on a Saturday night.  Last year for New Years we took a trip up to San Luis Obispo and that's where I learned that it is mandatory to wear something sparkly.  It seems like every age group of girls is susceptible to wanting to look famous.  Fourteen year old girls are wearing the uniform to their school dances.  College girls are wearing them to their drunk frat parties.  Girls my age are decked out at Vegas.  Women older than me are at and schmooze & booze events and country clubs. (I went to one last week for work and felt like I had been inducted as a WASP because I had three glasses of wine on an empty stomach.  Where are those damn waiters who are supposed to snack me to death with the appetizers?? Get your ass over here, I'm hungry!)   When does the obsession start?  When should it end?

I don't think it will ever end unless there is a massive collective shift in consciousness regarding women's looks.  Socially, I think we want to fit in and look like everyone else, but what is slapped in magazines and on TV is an unobtainable model.  Occasionally, celebrities will step out and have a carefully arranged photo shoot 'au naturale' with less photoshopping, makeup and hairstyling than usual but it's not the norm.  Us women glom onto it, point and say "look, she can be normal!  Like me!"  But in my mind, it's still one step above the status quo.  I don't think I'll ever be able to get there -- I can do my best, be healthy, control my food and invest in sparkly-butt shorts but I don't have the requisite village to help me.  What I do have is my own circle of support to stay on track.  It is my reality, lumpy legs and all.  I wish this is what the media would portray, but I know it's a stretch.  The best I can do is live in my own normal world, and not let "the celebrity" hurt my self esteem.  It takes work, but it's possible.