December 1, 2012
54.4 pounds to go
Fuck this, I'm going to quit eating.
Ahh, the scale. It is the bane of the dieter's world. It can be the key to having a good day, or completely falling off the rails. I'll wake up in the morning, have a bad weigh and sit and stew while poor Mike is unaware that I've become a radioactive time bomb.
"Have you seen the scale? I can't find it."
"I took it behind the barn and shot it. It's best if you don't ask questions."
So how do we deal with this annoying-yet-essential element? For me, I weigh myself once a week - on Saturdays when I write my blog. I start from ground zero: first thing in the morning, after I pee, naked. I will also typically weigh myself on Wednesday (midweek) to make sure I'm on track. That's it. If I weigh myself more than that I will slip into neurosis-with-the-scale mode. It's a Tuesday and I ate fish! I think I'll weigh myself. It's nighttime, I wonder what the difference is! I'll weigh myself. I just worked out! I just went in the sauna! I just had a massive pig-out! Look, I took a man-pee and lost 3 pounds! When I slip into this mode I become one dangerous woman. It's what eggs on the shameful-jesus-look-at-all-this-fat attitude. I'm totally guilty of this and when it gets really bad is when I stand in front of the mirror naked inspecting different parts of my body expecting them to morph instantly into the end result.
If I do a headstand I'll definitely look skinnier.
I made the excuse earlier this year that I was curious about the differences. I was jumping on the scale after any minor item that would cause a fluctuation. How much weight gain does chugging a 12 ounce glass of water cause? (1/2 a pound) How much weight will I lose after a sauna session? (3/4th of a pound. But then you drink water and poof!) What is the difference when I'm soaking wet? (1/2 a pound). What is the difference between first thing in the morning and right before I go to bed? (2 pounds). I just went number two! (nothing.) It's nice to know what these numbers are now for reference, but it is very easy to get discouraged when that's my entire focus. The bottom line is all these weird things I was doing did not amount to a huge amount of weight. In my mind I was thinking it would be a 3-5 pound difference and really it was mostly under 1 pound.
Feeling like I'm losing nothing is the other dangerous element of excessive weigh-ins. As a reminder, my goal is to lose 1-2 pounds a week. If I weigh myself every day then it will seem like I'm on a plateau because losing .1 of a pound every day is infintessimal. Then if I throw neurotic behavior into the mix, all bets are off. Best to save it up for my Saturday one-pound party.
On the other hand, the scale going up is an unpleasant Saturday morning surprise. This can't possibly be right!
Try putting it on the carpet instead!
I have had moments of disbelief where I'm moving the scale around my bathroom like a Mexican jumping bean. No! Put it over here. No over here. Hmmm, I'll just get on the scale over and over again, it will definitely change. This fucking thing must be broken. Finally, I have to laugh at myself, step away and accept that I gained instead of lost.
So if the goal is to lose 1-2 pounds a week, that means monthly I'm expecting to lose 4-6 pounds. That's it, and that's reality. Sometimes it's a little less, like 3 pounds in a month. In the first week I had a water-weight dump and lost 6 pounds but that's highly unusual, especially for a woman. Over the past 197 days I've learned that my weight comes off in increments linked with my cycle. Week 1 during my period I gain 1-2 pounds (then gone at the end, so flat with the scale). Week 2 I lose 1 pound. Week 3 is a good weight loss week, typically 2-3 pounds. Week 4 - 1 pound. If the scale goes up or doesn't move, I check where I am in my cycle then act accordingly.
Because the scale can be so discouraging, many people just quit weigh-ins because they can't handle it. The reality of how much weight loss should be expected is amiss. Or what the scale says vs. what they think it should say will tear them apart. It's only a reference point, it shouldn't be the defining factor of your life. Throwing the scale in the lake and living in ignorance is dangerous. If you can't measure your success then how can you truly know if you're on track? By not weighing yourself, you can't celebrate the pound or two you may have lost. And when there's a bad eating day (like Buca di Beppo "family style." Sweet Jesus -- so delicious, so immense. Hello my Thursday evening.) it is super scary to get back on the scale and see the damage. Most of the time it's not going to be as bad as you think if you stay consistent. Mr. Bucca didn't do anything to me, but I also barely ate the day before and exercised the day after. An extra 450 calories will not make you gain 5 pounds in a day. Just like starving yourself isn't going to make you lose 5 pounds in a day. Let's lower the bar people. In reality, the scale is an inanimate object that can't do anything to you. It's a device that helps keep you accountable for your actions. How you interpret the number or behave after a bad / good weigh is entirely up to you. But it's best to lock up the weapons just in case.
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