November 24, 2012
57.3 pounds to go
To start, a song tribute to Thanksgiving:
(To the tune of Oasis's "Wonderwall")
Today's gonna be the day I eat three plates of food.
By now I shouda figured out that pie's not good for you.
I don't think that anybody ever knows what to do
This year now.
Today's gonna be the day there's a line outside the loo.
I know I shoulda said no to the turkey and the stew.
If you wanna sit next to me I'll share my food with you
We'll go all out.
And all the paths I walked around this morning
you still went and nicknamed me miss snorfalorfing
Every years it's as if I went and sniffed a bunch of glue
and forgot my health.
Cause maybe, I'll drink all the gravy
Cause after all, I'm a butterball.
Thanksgiving is a hard holiday to deal with in moderation. There's the classic tips like exercising, eat slowly, wait 10 minutes before you go and get a second helping and try not to eat just because everyone else is still eating. Alas, I dunked my head in the food and sucked everything up like a hoover vacuum cleaner. Sometimes there's just going to be harder days than others. To my credit, I did exercise like a maniac beforehand and got back on the wagon yesterday. One bad day isn't going to kill me, it's when I let a bad day turn into a bad week and a bad week turn into a bad month. Nip that bad track in the bud!
Onto this week's subject: fat stereotypes. I have had more than one conversation in my life (not self prompted) as to why I'm overweight. It's as if people feel safe to bring it up because it was in the past. "Remember that one time we went to visit you in northern California and you were a whale? We knew something was definitely wrong with you." To their defense, yes, I was depressed. I wasn't in a good place. Yes, I was eating everything that wasn't nailed down (very similar to 6 months ago). It circles back to cracking the ice with someone when they're overweight and how do you talk about it? There's really no good way. However, being on the receiving end of it is never easy, especially when someone wants to continually reminisce about my 'fat days' and tell me how I got there. There are two things going on in my head when this happens:
1) I was the one who went through it, not you, so how could you possibly be able to tell me what the answer is when only I can know the whole truth?
2) I hate it when people "take my inventory."
What is "taking someone's inventory you ask? Has this every happened to you?
Now I'll tell you how to do everything more efficiently. (That sounds awesome.)
I'm not trying to say it's forbidden to ever ask another person a question but when you start firing them out as if it's a CIA interrogation your subject has most likely mentally fled the scene. Or literally. It's why you see certain family members hiding in corners at big events. (Although this year people were fleeing from me at Thanksgiving because they're afraid I'm going to put them in my blog which actually makes me giggle a little inside. It must be a sign that I've officially become a writer.) I do internally know the fact that someone has come up to me and asks me questions is a sign that they care, so I try to hold onto that when I start getting annoyed at the rapid-fire.
Anyway, those judgements and assumptions as to how I got on the path to fat could be right, or totally wrong. These are all reasons people have given me as to why I am fat:
1) I must be lazy
2) I must be clinically depressed
3) I was purposefully pushing people away
4) I don't want to be loved
5) I don't care about myself
6) I don't want attention.
And my personal favorite:
7) I must not want sex.
Man, just looking at this list still brings on the hurt inside. How could you be so wrong? Have you ever looked at the clothes I wear? It's harder to find stylish clothes when I was more overweight, but I really tried to dress well. I always do my hair. I wear makeup, I get manicures. I accessorize. I wear heels everyday to work. I'm a human, of course I want romance and love. I crave it just like anyone else. And yes, I do like attention -- I try not to be a spotlight hog even though I think I'm occasionally spastic because of nerves. And the sex thing? This is a blog that my family reads so I'm not going to go into detail, but suffice it to say that someone's body fat percentage is not a measure of their passion. There are horny fat people out there. Just like there are horny skinny people.
There are so many stereotypes; they say not to judge a book by its cover but we do it all the time. Fat people are nice. Fat people are funny. Skinny people are mean. Rich people are dickbags. Poor people are scrappy. Poor people are lazy. Mean people live forever. Pretty people get all the breaks. Ugly people are smart. Ugly people have good personalities. Only sexy women get ahead. Sexy women get ahead because the men want to fuck them. Only men can get ahead. White people are lucky. Jewish people are good with money. Jewish women are divas. Canadian people are sweet. Mexican men are macho. Chinese women are subservient. Old people are wise. Young people are stupid and entitled. Powerful women can't get a boyfriend. Powerful men always cheat on their wives. The list goes on and on and on. Yet, I know I've met a fat asshole and nice skinny person. It's as if we use the stereotypes as a collective rule of thumb and we're all at their mercy. It can be exhausting bucking them all the time and saying "no, that's not exactly true."
The reason I am overweight is for a cluster of reasons. I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but it's mostly a fabricated emotional connection and issues with compulsive stress eating. Mild depression is also a contributor. For others, maybe they were traumatized at an early age and started using food as comfort long before the rest of us. Maybe there is a body issue like hyperthyroidism. Saying someone is inherently lazy, doesn't care or want love is like forcing a square peg into a round hole.
But how could I possibly be wrong??!?! I'll keep hammering.
What I can say, is the only way to bust the stereotype is to educate the perpetrator on the real reason behind the issue. And if they don't believe you repeat yourself. If they still don't believe you repeat yourself again. And then tell them you are repeating yourself. Hopefully they will eventually get the message but know it may take some time to affect change. Sometimes people fixate on a wrong answer and it takes a really long time to get over it, I know that I've done that and it's a very vulnerable place I had to come from to say I'm sorry and that I was wrong. Make sure when someone comes to you with the long-waited apology not to tromp all over them and say "I told you so!" You can never go wrong with being kind.
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