It gets easier

September 15, 2012

67.2 pounds to go

What a week.  My company was purchased by our competitor in one swift and unexpected swoop.

To be fair I stole "Call me maybe" from a co-worker.  I'm sure he'd like to remain anonymous.

But seriously, hire me.  I'm a work horse.

I've heard 'so how are you feeling' so many times and discussed my uncertain future with so many people that the conversations are blending together.  To quote Mark Twain, "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."  And that certainly applies in this situation -- I've been coaching a lot of freaked out employees, co-workers, family and friends.  If I stick to my gut feeling, keep an open mind and remove the negativity this too shall pass -- even if I've repeated the same story eighteen thousand times.  (Particularly my parting battle speech to my department: "They may take our lives, but they shall never take… our freedom!"  Charge!!!)  It's a relief just to get down to business and work on this blog.   My health is truly the one thing I can focus on and keep controlling even though the walls may fall down tomorrow.

As of today, I have been at this for 120 days or approximately 4 months.  About 2 weeks ago at the time of my last blog post I was starting to crack.  Interestingly enough, there were two things contributing to my meltdown.  One: loosely speaking in any new endeavor whether it is a relationship, a new habit or lifestyle the first hump comes at 3 months and the second at a year.  If you make it through the first three months without a conflict then congrats to you!  If you make it past a year without a conflict you're homefree.  Wee!  This doesn't mean that if you run into a crisis at these times that the world will end, it just means that it completely and totally normal to experience them.  The next step is to learn how to walk past them.

I will own you.  Watch out.

The second thing that was contributing to my lack of resolve is also conveniently  the thing I've identified to get past the hump: gluten.  About a month ago I read the book Eat Right For Your Blood Type and it suggests that with type O blood (me) to focus on meat and veggies and if at all possible, remove gluten from my diet.  I thought, "what the heck, I'll give it a whirl."  I started replacing my sandwich bread with gluten free, eating corn tortillas instead of flour and swapping pasta for rice or quinoa.  Chips are out, but there are veggie stix which are still satisfying.  At about the time of my last blog I had been 90% gluten free for about 2 weeks.

Here comes the unusual part: in other articles and books that sing the praises of dumping wheat products, they say those products can act like a drug to your system.  Hitting your blood sugar the same way as table sugar and when it is removed from your diet it is not unusual to experience withdrawal symptoms after a few weeks.  Even in a way that is very similar to a person quitting nicotine.  (If you've never witnessed it, they act like rabid baby gorillas after the first week or so.  Give me a fucking cigarette!  I am not fucking around here!)  It is extremely fortuitous timing that my meltdown happened at the two week mark of gluten-free and as an added bonus I was coming down from the end of my period.  People were lucky to have survived at all when they came within 10 feet of me.  (Read: Mike, I love you more than words can say.)

At the time of my last blog and dealing with the withdrawal symptoms all I wanted to do was eat wheat.  Flour tortillas, goldfish crackers, pasta, bread, cookies -- you name it.  It was like my body had this monster in it that was screaming for all the things that are bad for me.  I kept eating them that weekend and it never made me feel better.  It made me feel worse.  All the same, I was in the midst of the battle and when my body was yelling at me I got in line with the demands.  "Fuck you!  I am not giving up bread."  Proceed to dig in heels.  Harumpf.  I truly recognized that it has a drug-like effect on me and that I should just try staying away from them and see how I feel.  I also read that a mild wheat intolerance can contribute to rosacea, migraines and mimic cluster headaches -- all of which I have suffered from on a regular basis for the last 4 years.  These last few weeks I have been 98% gluten free - I ate bread once 2 days ago when they brought in lunch because I was in grueling merger interviews and couldn't depart.  I can say for the first time I feel full on my allotted calories.  Even a few times I've been almost uncomfortably full.  I am a ninja.  I busted that mother-fuckin' roadblock.  HiYah! 

If this week has taught me anything it is to take each day a step at a time.  Clearly, I am going to be facing a huge mountain of change in my professional life and there are a million questions that remain unanswered.  I can't answer question 859,203 (how the fuck are we going to merge the two Macy's contracts?) when I don't know the answer to question 2: will I have a job at the end of next week?  The best thing to do is focus on my next step: get re-hired.  It's the same thing with weight loss.  Just make it through today and be healthy.  Then move on to tomorrow.